A Dose of Wisdom

Those that fail to learn from history, are doomed to repeat it. -Winston Churchill

Open Marriage....does it work?

After reading Monique's admission to having an open marriage it got me to thinking. Could I have an open marriage, and does it work? In Hollywood it's more common, but if you ask the average man or woman most will say no, or Hell No! When I was in my twenties I would have been one of those hell no's myself, but now that I'm in my thirties I have a different outlook on life and relationships. I'm not condoning cheating in any way, shape, or form. I'm just more open minded now.

Monique on husband and open marriage: 

"Could Sid have sex outside of his marriage with me? Yes. That's not a deal-breaker," she says. "That's not something that would make us say, 'Pack your things and let's end the marriage."

"We've been best friends for over 25 years, and we truly know who we are. Oftentimes, people get into marriages and they don't know who they're laying next to. I'm very comfortable and secure with my husband."

 Most marriages end due to money problems or cheating. So the question I ask is, does an open relationship cure the cheating bug? If you and your partner are in love but you want to taste someone else's cookies, is swinging or an open relationship the way to go? I asked a few of my friends and I was surprised at some of the responses. 


One couple that's been together for four years said they've been to the strip clubs together and they've even had a few threesomes. Their rule is they can only be with someone else if their partner is physically present, no creeping. Another couple that's been together for ten years says they have both been unfaithful, and it was devistating to the the relationship. Cheating caused them to separate for six months, and they almost divorced. He now has a daughter from the other woman. They've reconciled and agreed that cheating or swinging is definitely not for them. The third couple has only been together for a year, their newlyweds. He wants to try a threesome but she's leery. Her concern is what if he enjoys the other woman more, and why is she not enough?

That's a good question. Why do some people seek affection, attention, or sex outside of their relationship? Is it greed? boredom? A male friend of mine says it's a need for variety. 
He says his woman can be the most beautiful woman, she can be freaky, sexy, she can cook and clean. He will love her to death, but he will still want to be with other women. Not because he doesn't love her, but because he needs variety when it comes to sex. 
That may be a hard pill for some to swallow but I believe that's what it is. You know some people have a hard time handling the truth, but I believe that's why most people cheat, especially men. 


Now I don't know if I could be as open as Monique. She said her hubby could have multiple relationships and she's okay with it. I'm not judging, to each it's own. I will say it's a thin line. Allowing a third party into your relationship could cause insecurities, jealousy, and problems in the relationship, BUT on the other hand being closed minded and saying you can not be with another person at all can also cause cheating, creeping, and problems in the relationship. I believe communication is the key, and the difference between an open relationship and cheating. Talk to your mate, and be open to compromise, you never know you might like it! 

I personally wouldn't want my mate to be with someone else, but if they had an itch I believe I could help them scratch it. Maybe we'd go on a trip out of town and have some extra special fun together. Never say never because the minute you do, you'll find yourself doing it!

Vid: Rihanna "Rude Boy"

One of my fav songs right now! 

"Come here rude boy, boy can you get it up. Come here rude boy, boy is you big enough."

A Dose of Wisdom

'Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.' 
-Dr Seuss

To Date, or Not To Date Online....

That is the question. There was a time when online dating was frowned upon and seen as an  act of desperation, but  in this day of modern technology it seems to be one of the most popular ways to meet new people. I sat a few of my single friends down to get their thoughts on the subject.  For the most part they were over it, or against it entirely. Only a few seemed optimistic or open to it. In the 21st century it seems everything is done online, we pay our bills, work,  attend business meetings, get a college degree, and shop all online.  So why not date online too, right? There are hundreds of online dating sites, and even social networking sites like Facebook, Twitter, and Myspace are used to meet new people. The big question is, does online dating trump traditional dating methods.

I asked my friend Tina (she's an online dating pro) if she would continue dating on line. She snapped, "Hell to the no!" Tina has tried several dating sites, and she's been on quite a few dates. Some of her stories are so funny they sound like something from a movie. For example, she talked to one guy on the phone for three weeks. His profile pics were nice, he seemed like a catch. When she met him at the restaurant he was sitting in a nice SUV waiting for her. He looked just like his profile pic, she was excited. After 15 minutes she wondered why he hadn't got out the truck. Then he said give me a minute and proceeded to get into his wheelchair. Nothing against people with disabilities but how could he leave that out? It definitely should have come up in one of the many conversations they shared.

My favorite Tina story is the 6'5 entrepreneur that wrote her the most beautiful poems,  and showered her with compliments and attention. He seemed almost to good to be true. Well he was, after lots of online emails he finally called, collect....from jail! He was serving a ten year sentence for assault and robbery. After listening to his story, she told him he should have been honest and hung up the phone. I could go on and on with the stories but I think you get the picture. Her experience with online dating was full of mirages. Men that were really 5'5 said they were 6'5, guys that worked at McDonald's as a cashier said they owned McDonald's, married men said they were single! Needless to say she's completely given up on online dating.

Not all online daters have bad experiences. Take my friend Gina for example, she's been on two dates and for the most part they went well. The men looked like their profile, they were honest about who they were. The first date traveled to see her from a nearby city, after five months of talking, emailing, and texting. He stayed at a hotel and they spent a great weekend together. The long distance posed a problem because neither of them wants to move, so for now he's a good friend. The second date was cool but there was no chemistry. Gina hasn't given up on it, but if she had to choose she prefers meeting men the traditional way. She says it eliminates the surprises, that tend to come with online dating.

Statistics show that 54% of men lie about their height and income, and 60% of women lie about their weight  and age in their profiles. It seems that some people aren't completely happy with who they are and online dating is their way of escaping reality. It's a fantasy world where they can become who they want to be. Some are addicted to it because they get more attention online than they do in everyday life. 

I personally prefer meeting guys the traditional way. There are still surprises, but I like to look a man in his eyes, check out his nails, teeth, shoes, and see what I'm getting into.  The computer monitor doesn't show me all that. Back to the original question, does online dating trump traditional dating methods? Just like most things in life,  online dating is a gamble. It works for some, but not all. If your thinking about trying it, be careful and have fun! If it's not your cup of tea be more social.  You never know that guy/girl at the grocery store, gas station, at work, or at the gym may be your next hot date. Good luck!

ONLINE DATING TIPS:

Ask to see several recent pictures.
Don't talk on the phone for weeks, make arrangements to meet them at a public place. That way you know exactly who your dealing with. You can meet for a drink and if you feel a chemistry make it dinner.
Be sure to keep all your personal belongings with you.

Don't give them your address or tell them too much personal information, until you feel comfortable.
If they won't give you a home number and they seem secretive, go with your intuition their probably hiding something.