A Dose of Wisdom

Those that fail to learn from history, are doomed to repeat it. -Winston Churchill

Open Marriage....does it work?

After reading Monique's admission to having an open marriage it got me to thinking. Could I have an open marriage, and does it work? In Hollywood it's more common, but if you ask the average man or woman most will say no, or Hell No! When I was in my twenties I would have been one of those hell no's myself, but now that I'm in my thirties I have a different outlook on life and relationships. I'm not condoning cheating in any way, shape, or form. I'm just more open minded now.

Monique on husband and open marriage: 

"Could Sid have sex outside of his marriage with me? Yes. That's not a deal-breaker," she says. "That's not something that would make us say, 'Pack your things and let's end the marriage."

"We've been best friends for over 25 years, and we truly know who we are. Oftentimes, people get into marriages and they don't know who they're laying next to. I'm very comfortable and secure with my husband."

 Most marriages end due to money problems or cheating. So the question I ask is, does an open relationship cure the cheating bug? If you and your partner are in love but you want to taste someone else's cookies, is swinging or an open relationship the way to go? I asked a few of my friends and I was surprised at some of the responses. 


One couple that's been together for four years said they've been to the strip clubs together and they've even had a few threesomes. Their rule is they can only be with someone else if their partner is physically present, no creeping. Another couple that's been together for ten years says they have both been unfaithful, and it was devistating to the the relationship. Cheating caused them to separate for six months, and they almost divorced. He now has a daughter from the other woman. They've reconciled and agreed that cheating or swinging is definitely not for them. The third couple has only been together for a year, their newlyweds. He wants to try a threesome but she's leery. Her concern is what if he enjoys the other woman more, and why is she not enough?

That's a good question. Why do some people seek affection, attention, or sex outside of their relationship? Is it greed? boredom? A male friend of mine says it's a need for variety. 
He says his woman can be the most beautiful woman, she can be freaky, sexy, she can cook and clean. He will love her to death, but he will still want to be with other women. Not because he doesn't love her, but because he needs variety when it comes to sex. 
That may be a hard pill for some to swallow but I believe that's what it is. You know some people have a hard time handling the truth, but I believe that's why most people cheat, especially men. 


Now I don't know if I could be as open as Monique. She said her hubby could have multiple relationships and she's okay with it. I'm not judging, to each it's own. I will say it's a thin line. Allowing a third party into your relationship could cause insecurities, jealousy, and problems in the relationship, BUT on the other hand being closed minded and saying you can not be with another person at all can also cause cheating, creeping, and problems in the relationship. I believe communication is the key, and the difference between an open relationship and cheating. Talk to your mate, and be open to compromise, you never know you might like it! 

I personally wouldn't want my mate to be with someone else, but if they had an itch I believe I could help them scratch it. Maybe we'd go on a trip out of town and have some extra special fun together. Never say never because the minute you do, you'll find yourself doing it!

Vid: Rihanna "Rude Boy"

One of my fav songs right now! 

"Come here rude boy, boy can you get it up. Come here rude boy, boy is you big enough."

A Dose of Wisdom

'Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.' 
-Dr Seuss

To Date, or Not To Date Online....

That is the question. There was a time when online dating was frowned upon and seen as an  act of desperation, but  in this day of modern technology it seems to be one of the most popular ways to meet new people. I sat a few of my single friends down to get their thoughts on the subject.  For the most part they were over it, or against it entirely. Only a few seemed optimistic or open to it. In the 21st century it seems everything is done online, we pay our bills, work,  attend business meetings, get a college degree, and shop all online.  So why not date online too, right? There are hundreds of online dating sites, and even social networking sites like Facebook, Twitter, and Myspace are used to meet new people. The big question is, does online dating trump traditional dating methods.

I asked my friend Tina (she's an online dating pro) if she would continue dating on line. She snapped, "Hell to the no!" Tina has tried several dating sites, and she's been on quite a few dates. Some of her stories are so funny they sound like something from a movie. For example, she talked to one guy on the phone for three weeks. His profile pics were nice, he seemed like a catch. When she met him at the restaurant he was sitting in a nice SUV waiting for her. He looked just like his profile pic, she was excited. After 15 minutes she wondered why he hadn't got out the truck. Then he said give me a minute and proceeded to get into his wheelchair. Nothing against people with disabilities but how could he leave that out? It definitely should have come up in one of the many conversations they shared.

My favorite Tina story is the 6'5 entrepreneur that wrote her the most beautiful poems,  and showered her with compliments and attention. He seemed almost to good to be true. Well he was, after lots of online emails he finally called, collect....from jail! He was serving a ten year sentence for assault and robbery. After listening to his story, she told him he should have been honest and hung up the phone. I could go on and on with the stories but I think you get the picture. Her experience with online dating was full of mirages. Men that were really 5'5 said they were 6'5, guys that worked at McDonald's as a cashier said they owned McDonald's, married men said they were single! Needless to say she's completely given up on online dating.

Not all online daters have bad experiences. Take my friend Gina for example, she's been on two dates and for the most part they went well. The men looked like their profile, they were honest about who they were. The first date traveled to see her from a nearby city, after five months of talking, emailing, and texting. He stayed at a hotel and they spent a great weekend together. The long distance posed a problem because neither of them wants to move, so for now he's a good friend. The second date was cool but there was no chemistry. Gina hasn't given up on it, but if she had to choose she prefers meeting men the traditional way. She says it eliminates the surprises, that tend to come with online dating.

Statistics show that 54% of men lie about their height and income, and 60% of women lie about their weight  and age in their profiles. It seems that some people aren't completely happy with who they are and online dating is their way of escaping reality. It's a fantasy world where they can become who they want to be. Some are addicted to it because they get more attention online than they do in everyday life. 

I personally prefer meeting guys the traditional way. There are still surprises, but I like to look a man in his eyes, check out his nails, teeth, shoes, and see what I'm getting into.  The computer monitor doesn't show me all that. Back to the original question, does online dating trump traditional dating methods? Just like most things in life,  online dating is a gamble. It works for some, but not all. If your thinking about trying it, be careful and have fun! If it's not your cup of tea be more social.  You never know that guy/girl at the grocery store, gas station, at work, or at the gym may be your next hot date. Good luck!

ONLINE DATING TIPS:

Ask to see several recent pictures.
Don't talk on the phone for weeks, make arrangements to meet them at a public place. That way you know exactly who your dealing with. You can meet for a drink and if you feel a chemistry make it dinner.
Be sure to keep all your personal belongings with you.

Don't give them your address or tell them too much personal information, until you feel comfortable.
If they won't give you a home number and they seem secretive, go with your intuition their probably hiding something.

Lady Gaga feat. Honey Bey "Telephone" Vid

Lady Gaga and Beyonce aka Honey Bey released their music vid for Telephone this week. IMO it's a mix of Kill Bill & Thelma and Louise. I lovey the vivid colors and how can you not be spellbound by the outrage-nous that is Miss Gaga and the Queen that is Bey!

The dialogue is hilarious:

"You know what they say: Once you kill a cow, you gotta make a burger"

A Dose Of Wisdom

  "If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude."

-Maya Angelou

The Ex-Files

Question. Why does the ex always try to come back after the relationship is over? The saying, "You never realize a good thing until it's gone" is cliche, but so very true! I understand that it's hard to dust yourself off and get back into the dating game, especially when your used to a person. They know you, you know them, it's your comfort zone. I get it! We've all had sex with the ex.

What get's me, is when my ex calls months after the break up and says he misses me and has to see me right away. Uhhh, really?! I don't think so homey.  If we'd been friends, or had an amicable break up it would be cool. But I haven't heard from you or talked to you in months,  and if my memory serves me correctly you treated me like crap and didn't appreciate me. You knew I loved flowers, but you never bought me a single one! You claimed you didn't buy them for anyone not even your own mother, well guess what? I'm not your freakin mother!

Did you expect me to drop everything and come running to you after all this time? Your pea sized brain finally realized I was the best thing that ever happened to you. After dating other women you now realize they pale in comparison to me. The break up crushed me, but it didn't break me. Time heals all wounds, and I can buy my own damn flowers! Did you really think I was sitting around waiting for your lying, cheating, unable to communicate, and treat me like the queen that I am ass? Come on son!

In the wonderful words of Bey:

"If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it!"

This is not male bashing, it's fact stating and if my statements stung a little then maybe you need to step your game up. I'm just sayin.

A Dose Of Wisdom

"Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering."   -Yoda

Louis Vuitton Handbags Spring/Summer 2010

 

 

 

Monogram Denim Sunshine, Price: US$2330 Size: 10.4″ x 10.2″ x 4.7″ Colors: Rose, Bleu

 

Monogram Denim Sunburst PM, Price: US$2800 Size: 15″ x 7.5″ x 7.5″ Colors: Vert, Bleu

 

Monogram Cheche Bohemian, Price: US$2430 Size: 16.9″ x 13.4″ x 10.2″ Colors: Rouge, Bleu

 

 Monogram Cheche Tuareg, Price: US$2950 Size: 10″ x 17.5″ x 7.1″ Color: Bleu

One of my fav designers, Louis Vuitton has released it's Spring/Summer 2010 handbags + bag charm collection, and me likeee. Here are some of my favs. Visit the website for the entire collection.

www.louisvuitton.com

Shoe Game: Hot Looks For Spring/Summer 2010

Some of my fav Spring/ Summer looks from Emilio Pucci, Diane Von Furstenberg, BCBG, Giuseppe Zanotti, Givenchy Moroccan, and more. I want them all....a girl can dream!

Why Lie?

 

Being single can be tough, especially in the winter months. Not only is it cold but you have to endure, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, and Valentine's Day without a significant other. I'm by no means a woman that needs a man to "complete" me, but let's be honest nobody wants to be alone. So back to my original statement it's tough being single, but it's even tougher being single in Atlanta! Don't get me wrong I like it here, the weather, the people, the energy it's a great city, but what I'm not fond of is the dating scene.  Not because of the ratio issue (there are about 7 women for every man). I meet men all the time, that's not the problem. The problem is the quality of men that I meet. Finding a good quality single man in Atlanta is like finding a needle in a haystack. 

I know men and women lie, it's in our nature to do so. Some do it to spare a loved one's feelings. Men, you know when your wife, who's gained a few pounds looks at you and ask if she looks fat in her knew dress and you say, "No, of course not baby." Or ladies, when your girlfriend ask, "Aren't my new orange and green walls beautiful?" And you lie and say, "Girl yes, I love it." Or when she ask if her hairless cat is gorgeous, and you force a smile and say, "Yes" when you know that thing looks like a skinned rat! I'm not talking about those kind of lies, those are itty bitty lies compared to what I'm referring to.

I met a guy last fall. He seemed perfect for me, tall 6"7 to be exact, attractive, nice teeth, he had a decent job, had his own place {with no roommate}, and he was single. After a few dates and realizing that we had insane chemistry I began spending the night at his place. I felt comfortable there, he always made me feel at home. One morning while getting dressed, after a phenomenal night together I couldn't find one of my boots.  I looked all over his room, in the closet, no boot. When I looked under the bed not only did I find my boot, but I found a pair of lime green and blue bedroom slippers, in a size 7. I wear an 8 so I knew they weren't mine, and he wears a size 14 so they couldn't belong to him. We weren't officially a couple, BUT we had discussed if we were seeing anyone else. According to our conversation we were both only seeing one another. After my discovery I realized, he lied.

 "Oh what a tangled web we weave,

                                               Once we practice to deceive."

To some people it's like what's the big deal? Men lie, that's what they do. "No man is only seeing one woman", is what a male friend told me. "Once he gets married he may stop, but if he's single he's seeing you and anywhere from one to three other women." My thing is even if that's true, couldn't he have been more discreet. I didn't want to see her slippers. It made me feel like I was creeping with someone else's man. I felt stupid, and I'd be lying if I didn't say it stung a little. We'd been kicking it for a few months so naturally I'd started catching feelings. I wasn't seeing anyone else because I enjoyed my time with him. We had good times together, great conversations, and the sex was amazing. When I saw those slippers it took away that lovey dovey feeling. I snapped back to reality, it didn't feel good.

When I confronted him about the slippers, his story changed. I knew then that I was dealing with a super duper liar. He originally told me he was single. Now he began explaining that "technically" he's single because he's not married but he has a girlfriend. Oh, and get this, he wants to continue seeing me. If I could be patient he will break-up with her and we will be a couple. Wow, lucky me! I guess I look like Boo-boo the damn fool! I kindly told him where he can go, how he can get there and what he can do once he gets there! What a humongous butt-hole.

I have a few single friends and unfortunately they meet more of the same, believe it or not some of their stories are worse. The thing is I know people lie and cheat. They've been doing it since the bible days. What I don't understand is why are they still lying about it. I would think by now we could be straight up or honest about the situation. Clearly there are people that don't care if a person is single or not. My thing is let me decide if I want to be down with O.P.P (for you youngsters that's Other Peoples Property). Let me know what I'm getting myself into. I guess in the mind of a cheater a lie is a small thing, and not a big deal at all. In my mind it's like spitting in my face and asking me to apologize to you. It's just wrong so please STOP!

A Dose Of Wisdom

   

"I want you to live your life fully, & surround yourself only with people who hold as great a vision of you as you have for yourself." -Hill Harper

Jodeci: Feenin & Cry For You

IMO some of the best music came out of the 90's. I thought I'd show some love to one of my fav bands, Jodeci. If I could I would post all of their vids, but I can't. With hits like Stay, Come & Talk To Me, Forever My Lady, and Freakin U it was hard to choose just two. We need a male group in this decade to domintae the way DeVante, Dalvin, K-Ci, & Jo-Jo did.

I miss them!!!

A Dose Of Wisdom

"We must be the change we want to see in the world." -Mahatma Gandhi

Jimmy Choo Spring/Summer 2010

 

 

Sexy, sexy! 

True Love Is.....

 

The whole V-day thing has me thinking about all this L word stuff. Everywhere I look in the supermarket and Walmart today all I saw were teddy bears,  xoxo, love this, and true love that. So it got me to thinking what exactly is true love? It damn sure isn't a teddy bear that sings "I Will Always Love You" (even though he was cute ;)

What is true love? I'm not consulting Webster for this one, I'm gonna just speak straight from the heart. I believe true love comes from within. It's been said so many times, "You must love yourself before you can love someone else." That statement is so very true. Think about it. If your miserable and unhappy with you, how can you possibly love or be in love with someone else? You can't. You'd just make them unhappy. There's another old saying, "Misery loves company."

True love is always being there, it's unconditional, it's patient. True love never gives up. True love in my book means being true to oneself. It's like cracking yourself open like Humpty Dumpty and honestly evaluating yourself from top to bottom. The good and the bad, that's tough right? Well so is true love. Nobody ever said it would be easy, but I believe all good things are worth working hard or fighting for.

I'll end by saying, if your in a healthy and loving relationship cherish what you have, it's rare. Show and tell that person how much you love and appreciate them. If your in an unhealthy relationship that can't be repaired, free yourself. You deserve better! If your single, treat yourself to a nice vacation, a spa day, a new outfit, a bouquet of flowers, chocolates, a new electronic device (with very strong batteries! ;) or whatever will put a huge smile on your face! Hang out with your fav group of friends. Buy yourself something, don't sit around and wait for someone else to do it for you! Life is too short. Your significant other should add to your happiness, they shouldn't be the only source of your happiness. 

True+love=loving yourself truly

A Dose of Wisdom

 "There’s a difference between interest and commitment. When you’re interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstance permit. When you’re committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results."

Iconic Fashion Designer Alexander McQueen dies at 40

 

Iconic fashion designer and genius, Alexander McQueen was found dead in his London home today.

The police have not released an official report on the cause of death, but his press representatives at KCD Worldwide said it appeared to be a suicide. McQueen's death comes days after his mother's death.

He will truly be missed. Rest in peace Alexander. Some of his amazing designs are pictured below.

Sade: Cherish The Day & Kiss Of Life

I'm a HUGE Sade fan the bands album Soldier Of Love was released yesterday and it's phenomenal! If your a music lover it's a must have. It's been ten years since they last released an album (Lovers Rock). These are two of my favs.

"There must have been an angel by my side, something heavenly led me to you. Look at the sky it's the color of love."

Gucci 2010 Spring/Summer

The L Word Part II

By day five she was really worried. She finally got a text that said:

I made it. See you when I get back babe

Huh??!! *scooby doo side eye* To say she was upset was an understatement. Mind you they had been dating for eight months. She was used to talking to AND seeing him almost everyday. He goes to California which is another coast but not another freakin planet, and he seems to have forgot about her. They have phones, and these remarkable machines called computers that have this cool feature that allows you to communicate with loved ones all over the world!

It took everything in me to stop her from booking a flight and going to Cali to hunt him down. After I calmed her down with a big bottle of Moscato she expressed a few concerns. It seems Mr. MIA had been distant and acting strange the last few weeks before he left, she also noticed he was talking to a chick on facebook quite a bit. Did I mention the chick just so happened to live in Cali?! Things that make you go hmmmm!

I know people say what you don't know won't hurt you, but I completely disagree...KNOWLEDGE IS POWER! So we did a little detective work and after talking to the chick on facebook Kerry discovered that her man was not only in Cali with another woman but he was staying with her. It seems they had been dating for TWO YEARS long distance! He'd proposed to her the day that he arrived and she was making plans to move to the A by January!!! When she confronted the a-hole about it he admitted that it was true. It took lots of Kleenex, drank, time, and more drank for Kerry's poor heart to heal. After a late night visit to his home she bust the windows out of both his cars.....I bust the windows out your car! *singing like Jazmine Sullivan* There's something about revenge that's so sweet, it seemed to really make her feel better! So there you have it this is what happened to Kerry when she allowed herself to fall for the L word.

To all of you optimist out there I'm not anti-love, I'm pro-precaution. I believe love is the greatest thing in the world! I know that every relationship doesn't end in heartbreak and pain, and I also know that there are some people that can be trusted and are capable of true love. But in Miss Jackson's book of definitions the L word is described as such:

L word \BEWARE! PROCEED WITH EXTREME CAUTION!!!\ 1: A gamble 3: can be extremely beautiful or completely horrid 2: If your not willing to gamble with your heart RUNNNNNNN!!!!


There's nothing wrong with guarding your heart, if he/she is truly worthy they will be patient and prove they deserve your trust and L word!

The L Word Part I

With this Sunday being V-day I thought I'd focus on the L word and what it means in 2010. When I say the L word I mean LOVE. I told a friend my idea and you would have thought I cursed at her. She gave me an evil look and I swear she hissed at me. I could be wrong because I was on my third drink by this time but I'm pretty sure she hissed or gagged. I digress, let's take a look at what Webster has to say about it.

love \'lev\ n 1: strong affection 2: warm attachment 3: attachment based on sexual desire 4 : To CHERISH 5: to feel a passion, devotion, or tenderness for, cares

This love thing sounds wonderful doesn't it? If only the dictionary gave you tips on how to tell when love was really the big bad wolf disguised as your dear sweet granny, just waiting for you to let your guards down so he can devour you whole! I talked to a group of my single friends about love in the twenty first century, and it seems the general consensus is their running away from cupid and his acid laced bows instead of running toward him. Movies make you want to find love and never ever let it go like a magical money tree that produces fresh one hundred dollar bills everyday.

But real love now that's another story. For example my friend Kerry (not her real name but it'll do) met a guy last winter. He's thirty something, said he was single, owned his own home, works for a substantial accounting firm, and he looks hella good (I'm from up north but I think I've been in the A long enough to say hella). On the first date he showed up with flowers, took her to a restaurant in Buckhead (for those of you that haven't visited Atlanta, it's an affluent part of town). He sounds like a good catch doesn't he. Dates 2 & 3 were just as nice and by date 4 they were inseparable. Literally, they did the do all weekend. She was hooked like a crack feen. By the summer it was official they were a couple. She was head over heels in love! Awww sounds so sweet doesn't? I know, I loveee love ;)

If only the story ended there, with a happy ending like books and movies. Do you think it will? Let's find out.....back to the story:

In September he told her he was going home (Cali) for a few weeks. She's never been so she came up with a great idea, she would join him. A nice first time vacation together, sounds good right?........Wrong! He said he wasn't sure how long he would be gone and he had business to take care of while he was there. Not sure what that meant but I knew for damn sure something wasn't right. A woman's intuition is usually on point, but I didn't say anything. As a friend sometimes you have to just be there, and keep quiet. Of course it stung her a little but she played it off told him to have a good time, and she would miss him(just like the good girlfriend that she was). After he left she hadn't heard from him in two days but she didn't want to bug him so she resisted calling or texting. She figured he was busy spending time with his friends and family. By the third day she sent a text telling him she was thinking of him and loved him....no response!

By day four......STILL NO RESPONSE!


To be continued.......

Welcome!

Welcome to my world! I'm excited because this is my first post! I'm a writer and lover of all things creative! This blog is an outlet for me to express my thoughts, ideas, views, opinions, favorite and not so favorite things. I hope my words will uplift, encourage, cause gut wrenching laughter, and make you think a bit. If you like what you read, feel free to visit as often as you like. If you love it, get comfy and stay awhile ;). If you don't like it, feel free to leave and never return.